


Millions

by Vavoneysa



Category: Winner (Band)
Genre: Celebrities, Developing Relationship, Forbidden Love, Friends to Lovers, Light Angst, M/M, Musicians, Normal Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:49:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25315573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vavoneysa/pseuds/Vavoneysa
Summary: Out of all the possible idol-life problems Kang Seungyoon was genuinely suffering only from one – from the commitment to live together with his groupmate(s).
Relationships: Kang Seungyoon/Lee Seunghoon
Comments: 17
Kudos: 24





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> Haha so this is my first work on ao3 so I'm very confused with tags and etc, so p l e a s e I would be very greatful if you could mention the possible mistakes I have in the preface. And I'm rly looking forward to any kinds of feedback because - again - I'm genuinely absolutely confused and I don't know if I'm making the story interesting and easy to read and understand  
> but thank u anyway in advance!!!!

Honestly, Kang Seungyoon had infinite number of possible reasons to hate the industry he got into.

He could hate the fact that the new music releases were controlled cruelly by the upstairs; and a lot of (probably) decent drafts and demos will forever stay unreleased.

He could hate the insanely busy schedules during the promotions, when you don’t sleep for forty hours; and if you are lucky enough to have some sleep – you do this on the back sit of the vile-smelling car. 

Oh-oh, and he could _obviously_ hate (as well as his other friends with the same job) the lack of personal space, the ubiquitous cameras, flashes; the phones that are brought too close to the face – like his life is not actually _his_ anymore.

There’s a lot of options, seriously, Seungyoon could count them before sleep instead of the sheep.

But no.

Out of all the possible choices Kang Seungyoon was genuinely suffering only from one – from the commitment to live together with his groupmate(s).

It’s all because, firstly (Seungyoon was counting the reasons scrupulously) the new apartment now never seemed wistfully empty and abandoned – you could always, if you listen carefully enough, hear something: even if Seunghoon was murmuring pensively one of theirs unreleased songs while doing laundry – the flat was filling invisibly with something warm and (it’s now the sixth year how) – with something very dear. If only Seungyoon had more inspiration, he could say pathetically that Seunghoon is like the light and the spirit of their place; and it’s just horrible to imagine how would it be here if Seunghoon disappears. But – there was no inspiration at all, otherwise Seugyoon would put the constant delay of the new songs on the top of his problems’ list. 

Secondly, it was simply comfortable to be near Seunghoon. Even more – it was pleasing. Seunghoon, with his attentive care, would turn off the lights in the Seungyoon’s room if he falls asleep while reading or trying to process one of the songs. Seunghoon was the one who supported Seungyoon unhesitatingly when he decided to adopt Thor from the animal shelter. Seunghoon (after noticing that Seungyoon’s kitchen shelves are full of ramen) valiantly stole Mino’s lobster to later present it – now looking like a higher-cooking dish - proudly to Seungyoon, who came from the studios tired and wolf-like hungry. Seunghoon was generally (too) good at cooking.

Thirdly, he was considerate. By some incredible miracle, Seunghoon has always been able to understand at a glance if Seungyoon needs someone to talk to or just to sit next to, in order to escape this dangerous loneliness. Because in the moments like this Seunghoon always suddenly had some snotty-dramatic movie that "just needs to be seen” or some new music drafts, about which he needed vitally to consult with the group’s head producer (Seungyoon, shamefully losing the ability to control his own face color, was desperately blushing every time after these words).

“Seungyoon-nie, why the long face?” smelling (of course) like Seungyoon’s shower gel, Seunghoon, coming out from the bathroom, stopped near Seungyoon, who was pretending to watch the TV carefully, and heartily patted his cheeks. Losing – again - the inner battle between himself and the muscles, Seungyoon smiled, at the same time remaining so concentrated that he was unable to translate his gaze even a little bit (instead of TV screen he had the groupmate’s naked torso in front of his eyes).

(Seunghoon is also very beautiful, but for some reason Seungyoon is ashamed to put this weighty factor in the list of causes of his suffering.)

“What is this icicle and why are you sitting on the place of my beloved maknae?” fourthly, if Seunghoon is in the good mood, very often (almost always) Seungyoon has the good mood too – and this is another gap in his self-control skill. For example, as now – still warm and energetic after the shower, Seunghoon ran shamelessly his fingers under Seungyoon’s ribs; not expecting this sudden tickle attack Seungyoon grunted uncontrollably, and leaned back on the floor, not even trying to restrain laughter and weak requests to stop.

Seunghoon was smiling – each of these smiles sent a warm (just like the atmosphere Seunghoon had created in the apartment) wave affecting the body. And Seungyoon had never resist it – so now he was only elbowing to wipe away the tears that appeared in front of his eyes because of laughter and vainly trying with weakened hands to remove hyung’s fingers from his sides. But suddenly - the ability to control himself took up; in a small flash of panic Seungyoon drew his knees up to his chest.

“Stop-stop-stop it, hyung,” the laughter was still in his throat - and it kept his voice from sounding with the desperate tone.

“You sure that you’re fine?” Seungyoon nodded quickly in the response. Seunghoon was smiling.

“Yeah, totally.”

“Amazi-ing,” the pleasant warmth coming from another's body was slowly disappearing – Seungyoon, however, trembled not because of it. A bit of relaxation came out only when the door to the hyung's room slammed slightly - Seungyoon sat down, feeling absolutely disheveled and confused, and barely suppressing a panicked half-whimper half-moan that swarmed in the lungs.

Seungyoon had a boner on Seunghoon. Maybe, he should’ve put _this_ as “firstly”. 


	2. 10

At first, Seungyoon was stubbornly trying to convince himself that just something strange had happened; just the body, the exhausted and haggard body, decided to react absolutely weirdly to the completely random things. But also he, like the dumbest idiot on Earth, freezes sometimes with the most serious face he can ever make, and thinks about a single boner harder than about his next airport outfit. During Inkigayo stage filming Mino laughs openly from the stumbling maknae and advices to sleep at least for seven hours today; Jinwoo, who appeared out of nowhere, focuses his huge eyes on Seungyoon, scanning. Then he ruthlessly kicks Seunghoon (who fell asleep while having his hair done) to wake him up and asks him to look carefully after the youngest today’s evening and make sure that Seungyoon sleeps well this night. Seunghoon jokes something in response, and his clear ringing voice soars above the staff’s quick conversations, the noise from the stage and Mino’s laughter.

And that’s when Seungyoon looked at him as if for the first time. It is so weird – this is still Seunghoon, the image of him is already printed on the back of the Seungyoon’s mind permanently; Seungyoon knows everything about him: Seunghoon’s habits, body language, intonations – the same way as he knows everything about Jinwoo and Mino. But now Seungyoon was seeing Seunghoon for the way he’d never seen him before. It felt like his confidence that all his members are not even _like_ brothers to him but: are _already_ brothers; vanished, disappeared like the first snow in October, - all in the dark eyes in front of him. Seunghoon asked him about what happened, put his cold palm playfully on Seungyoon’s forehead – Seungyoon shudders and replies something inaudible and childishly weird. He only behaved like this with Seunghoon. But now it suddenly felt differently – like the familiar warm wave tightened his stomach muscles hardly and clung tenaciously around his heart.

Later this evening, when both of them came back home and Seunghoon started asking about the group’s schedule for tomorrow - he talked with a deep, slightly bass voice, with his hands clasped in front of his face – Seungyoon got hard again. And he escaped cowardly to his room, saying something about the necessity of following Mino’s advice.

“Seungyoon?” Seungyoon didn’t manage to react properly to the visitor’s words – he was sitting on his bed with the lights off; and he was truly very tired, but his fatigue was weird – it’s when you’re already too exhausted to even fall asleep. Seunghoon was standing carefully in the doorway. “You were completely like zombie today. Are you doing fine?”

“Yeah? Yes,” slowly coming to his senses, Seungyoon tried to lie down on the warm bed again; and even in the darkness of the room he could see the small smile of Seunghoon who was slowly approaching him. “I just have… a little insomnia.”

“Stop thinking so much,” advised Seunghoon instructively while wrapping Seungyoon in a blanket like a caterpillar with great undisguised pleasure. Seungyoon didn’t even try to resist him – he could smell the scent of the hyung’s perfume around and it seemed easier to breath; for a short moment his heart froze tightly, bringing back the feeling of something cozy, pleasant and home-like (just like in his mother’s apartment in Busan). “Maybe, I should sing you to sleep. Or do you prefer fairytales better?”

“Hyung! I’m twenty-five!” Seunghoon, sweetly smiling and – disgustingly - overplaying removed the bangs from the Seungyoon’s face, and ignored silently this attempt to prove how mature Seungyoon really is.

“I will always think of you as my baby,” Seunghoon tried to copy any ajumma’s voice and wiped away imaginary tears. “I can still remember your robot dance moves and your terrible bangs –ah! But it’s okay, it’s okay… Sleep well, Seungyoon-nie”.

Not dropping the character, he pecked Seungyoon in the open forehead and, still crying with non-existent tears, quickly left the room, holding the door opened for Thor. Seungyoon ran his fingers through the puppy’s thick fur and tried to catch the passing dream – but instead his mind was filled with thoughts muddled by fatigue.

If to sort everything out – what does he feel? Seungyoon had always perceived all the members of the group differently: he went through something unique and special with each of them, that’s why he didn’t really think much about the way he sensed Seunghoon. After all, right now it feels very strange to analyze his feelings just like that – Seungyoon doubted that he could name them with one exact word, like “sympathy”, “brotherhood” or “closeness”. But if to try to “stop thinking so much”, the truth comes out absolutely clearly: of course, Seungyoon loved Seunghoon - as well as he loved Jinwoo and Mino; and if he asked each member the same question – he’s sure – he will get the same answer.

Everything is still the same, Seungyoon understands suddenly, nothing ever changed – that’s why he was only slightly surprised by his feelings today before performance. Seunghoon was already a small base part of his carefully constructed inner life; it even became a habit for Seungyoon to always keep Seunghoon in his mind; and – it feels so weird! – he was thinking of Seunghoon to calm himself down; he was recalling Seunghoon when he tried to adjust for songwriting; he talked with Seunghoon when he needed to get his head straight.

Oh, fuck. Seungyoon _loved_ Seunghoon. But he couldn’t even guess what Seunghoon might feel on the other side of their relationship.


	3. 100

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.thwink.org/sustain/glossary/CycleOfAcceptance.htm#:~:text=The%20key%20steps%20are%20denial,These%20are%20easily%20memorized. - maybe it will make the understanding of some parts of the chapter easier :)

Seungyoon experienced the acceptance cycle stages in the absolutely random order. To start with, the acceptance itself happened first: with his head held high to all the possible problems, next morning he easily confessed his feelings to himself, slowly saying in mind:

_I love Seunghoon._

And it didn’t seem to be a big deal.

So Seungyoon decided to be happy with everything he already had and to look on the bright side of the situation. And that’s why when he met Seunghoon later this morning, he didn’t hold back the smile for sleepy hyung, who was thoughtfully pouring some food into the Haute’s bowl. Seungyoon generally had a great opportunity to be near Seunghoon as often as was even possible – and it was unbelievably heart-warming. Seunghoon rubbed his eyes and smiled back to Seungyoon and even wished a good morning for him – dry balls of dog food scattered past on the floor; and Seungyoon could hear how Thor and Haute ran, hearing the sound. Despite the early schedule it was very calm in spirit - Seungyoon squinted habitually and nuzzled into older’s shoulder; and Seunghoon patted his head, mussing thin bleached hair.

It’s so good. Seungyoon doesn’t need anything more.

Later, Seungyoon became totally off the verified by psychologists’ sequence by experiencing the anger next, after the acceptance. During the break of one show’s filming, the manager brings food to them – Seungyoon shamelessly started begging for Jinwoo’s yogurt; Mino gaggled hard from his attempts to do something that looks like aegyo and spilt his Americano on the small table in their dressing room. Sitting next to him, Seunghoon valiantly and quickly pulled distracted Seungyoon closer to himself – Seungyoon only saw how dark coffee drops fell slowly on the floor, not the white shirt of his. As a joke, Seunghoon also shortly felt whole Seungyoon’s body and wailed panicking that the group almost lost its leader because he won’t be able to stand the flaw in his outfit for the shoot. A nervous laugh came out from the throat, and Seungyoon knew too well what’s coming next after this pleasant warmth in the stomach. And Seunghoon also knew him too well – and he inadvertently suggested Seungyoon a reason for another shameful escape.

“I think I stained it here,” Seungyoon quickly straightened the long shirt out of his pants, pretending looking closer at the clean fabric. “I need to wash it now, while it is still fresh.”

Catching a breath only in the small studio’s bathroom he looked desperately at the resulting boner. And then the mood changed to anger – when Seungyoon saw his feverish red face in the small mirror. He’s twenty-five years old! – the period, when you can turn on by everything, should’ve ended at least seven years ago, but he, like some kind of a maniac, for almost a week now has to urgently seek for a place to hide to avoid getting caught in such a compromising state. This can’t go on like this. It just spoils everything they’ve finally got – a big promo, happiness from the music shows awards and the excitement from the new released songs. Everything goes so well now, but Seungyoon behaves himself like a bizarre.

Two days later, on the photoshoot, Seungyoon decides that there’s nothing. Right now the only things that really matter – is music and the job which he should perform in the best way possible. Everything’s great. And Seungyoon just _simply_ likes to be photographed in pair with Seunghoon. And the new hairstyle is _simply_ suiting Seunghoon (it’s fair, you can ask the fans); and Seunghoon just _simply_ got a great make-up artist and the make-up _simply_ suits him today as well.

Later, in the dressing room, Seungyoon almost squalled at the top of his voice – his body went insanely crazy, straining from the fleeting touches, cooling the skin with the sudden goosebumps, burning – simply like that – from the close breath of one specific person. It wasn’t like this before – but now it is like this, and Seungyoon didn’t knew at all what should he do.

He came up with, probably, one of the stupidest ideas of his entire life – but Seungyoon, drained and deadly tired, just couldn’t think of anything better. It was hard to isolate himself (that was his brilliant plan) from the members during promo, thus, Seungyoon behaved himself absolutely disgusting – he was literally throwing himself on the sit between Mino and Jinwoo during interviews, he walked Thor much more often than needed (Thor, however, was noticeably happy with things), a few times he even tried to snuck into the studios in the main office even though the group didn’t need any new material right now; so Seungyoon, looking more like a pale shadow but not the human being, only scared the guys from iKON once.

And he couldn’t write music. Seungyoon was churning out more and more drafts thoughtlessly and then angrily was deleting every one of them – _I wouldn’t listen to this_. But he didn’t stop with that: Seungyoon wanted to martyr himself with work, to force himself to squeeze out, to give birth to the most incredibly good song he could ever write, right now, in this state of mind exactly – so there would be at least some sense in all his actions.

“… you hear me? Seungyoon?” almost falling from the chair of surprise, Seungyoon discerned gloomy looking Mino, who was standing really close to him. Oh, it must be very late – but coming back to the apartment now is like a torture.

“We have an evening shooting tomorrow,” he tried to make his voice sound normal. “And I have something great coming out now, honestly.”

“Oh, really? Can I listen to it?” Mino interrogatively raised his eyebrows and looked at the Seungyoon’s computer screen. A single strip of the sound was proudly displayed there – and it was just the simple guitar recording that Seungyoon made when the blank screen started to annoy. “Seungyoon, let’s go home.”

Seungyoon couldn’t find the words to reply. And Mino, like absolutely everyone around, probably, already knows everything. So Seungyoon buried his face in his hands, slowly exhaling – here comes the «depression» stage. 

“Um, Seungyoon… We’ve also noticed something,” Mino started _that_ conversation a little awkwardly. But it’s actually good that it’s Mino who starts it – Jinwoo, who could see right through every member, would’ve definitely turn Seungyoon inside out; but Mino is not the type who digs into somebody. “We’ve noticed that… Well, it looks like you’re trying to avoid Seunghoon-hyung? After all, we don’t really need new songs right now.”

“I’m absolutely fine,” lying in their almost trusting relationship was hard, but it seemed like there’s no other way. “I just want us to have more good material.”

“Okay, okay,” it seemed like Mino believed him. He stood up, adjusting his pants and extending his hand to Seungyoon. “But can we go home now? Seunghoon-huyng is actually very worried, he says that you haven’t spoken to him in three days or so…”

The bargaining begins next day, after the shooting, when the manager allows them (half-dead after two weeks of incessant interviews and shows) to drink whatever they want in the bar. Seungyoon, without thinking, chugged a whole glass of something and then – he doesn’t even know how long after that – he remembered himself laughing at Jinwoo, who tried to convince the barman that he is “the face of the nation”. Seunghoon was sitting a little apart from the group – he looked so lonely that Seungyoon felt a sharp pang of shame. He needs to apologize. Seungyoon has been acting like an asshole for more than a week now – so nothing will happen if he talks once to a person he cares about, right? The world swayed in his eyes when he got up, but the goal – was visible right ahead: blurry, but unbearably tempting.

“Seunghoon-hyung! Please, forgive me!” the floor was actually an extra – Seungyoon tripped over it, felling his face down on the sofa hyung was sitting on. Seunghoon seemed to be laughing – it was hard to tell because of the loud music; and Seungyoon wanted to look up to see his smile once more but slammed his head against the table. Eyes welled, making the world around blur even more. “Forgive me, hyung!”

“Hush-hush,” Suengyoon felt warm palms on his ribs; with some effort Seunghoon dragged him from under the table. Seungyoon wouldn’t have made such a turn right now – he tilted forward dangerously and fell his face on the hyung’s lap. “Wow, how much did you drink?”

“Forgive me, hyung!” he clearly felt the vibration passed through Seunghoon’s body – now he was laughing for sure. That’s good.

“I guess we need to call it a day,” the world flashed before his eyes again – Seunghoon brought Seungyoon back to the upright position.

“Will you forgive me, Seunghoon-hyung?” he didn’t reply but he was still smiling – so Seungyoon smiled too, almost swooning from the fact the he could feel the hyung’s hands on his shoulders. Then he let the whole thing go. He let Seunghoon led him out of the bar, tripping over any kind of unevenness on the ground. Hyung was talking on the phone with serious (but at the same time not) tone, and Seungyoon was grabbing his shoulder with inexplicably huge delight.

“Maybe, you need some help?” Seungyoon heard the voice only when they were already standing near the elevator in their house: Jinwoo, who was having fun gently pushing heavily drunk Mino and checking how long it would take him to get his balance back, glanced drunkenly at Seunghoon. 

“No need. I think, I can handle him,” Seunghoon adjusted Seungyoon, who hung limply onto him. “Seungyoon is not that wild.”

Seungyoon wanted to prove hyung’s words – but instead a badly discernible mooing came out of his mouth. And still, Seunghoon treats him in a painfully cold way – although there’s nothing more for Seungyoon to expect after such a behavior of his. He needs to beg for any kind of forgiveness, maybe that will make Seunghoon at least not be very mad at him. 

“Hyung…” the lights in the hallway were on – it hurt eyes a lot; surprised, Seunghoon diverted from Seungyoon’s shoelaces. “You’re mad at me.”

“Let’s talk about it tomorrow, okay?” Seungyoon shuddered – Seunghoon’s tone wounded somewhere on subconscious level. He got sad – so he stared on Seunghoon’s deft fingers. “Leggo.”

Seunghoon, with showy grunt, lifted sluggish Seungyoon again – the nose almost touched his neck, smelling like perfume and smoke. Seungyoon giggled – so close. Just a little more – and he could feel the tawny skin with his lips – slightly, almost invisibly; and then he will, probably, burn up. It made him long to weep – it was so close but yet so far at the same time, and in the end Seungyoon will just hurt both of them.

“No…” Seungyoon resisted desperately when he saw that they’re coming close to his room. “I can’t fall asleep there.”

“Okay,” the direction changed smoothly, a lamp flickered in front of Seungyoon’s eyes – and Seunghoon seated him on the bed. Seungyoon deeply breathed – the cool and bright room smelled like hyung, reminded of hyung, and it was so good it hurt. He could hardly keep his eyes open; exhausted, he collapsed back, trying to focus on his breath. Inhale–exhale, don’t forget to exhale…

“Wait… are you crying?” Seunghoon’s voice shook panicky, Seungyoon convulsively gasped when a gentle touch warmed his cheek. He was still clinging to the passing consciousness a little; just to selfishly enjoy the moment and to breath Seunghoon a bit more, until everything went to hell.

“Seunghoon-hyung,” broke out, when the bed creaked as Seunghoon lied down too; and Seungyoon could feel the warmth of his body. “Are you…”

Hyung’s fingers ran down his face – it seemed like Seungyoon was really crying; and he wanted to move closer so that Seunghoon’s breath would make his skin crawl. Another warm touch – a gentler, soft one, near the corner of Seungyoon’s mouth; and a heavy sigh that he felt on his lips.

Seungyoon was burning. Releasing the consciousness far away, he burst into flames, allowing the drunken darkness immerse him.


	4. 1000

They really did talk that morning – feeling like a ghost, Seungyoon left the hyung’s room into the dim light of gloomy morning, not knowing even himself if he looks for a reason to talk (in order to compensate a several days of silence) or if he tries to avoid any kind of conversation (because, sadly, Seungyoon also remembered clearly what happened last night). Seunghoon then found Seungyoon himself – he handed him a warm cup of coffee and said: _are you avoiding me, Seungyoon?_

_No._

Seungyoon didn’t lie then – honestly, it seemed like he was primarily avoiding himself all that time. And then he met something that he only admitted in words but never fully felt in reality. Just – hyung, who is standing right in front of him, who is also a little bit pale and ghostly, and his gaze clingy seizes Seungyoon’s gaze; and something viscous, smelling like pain was coming from him. That morning Seungyoon understood something that is very important and more valuable than simple words in mind (“I love Seunghoon”) – he doesn’t want this kind of mood to ever come from Seunghoon; he won’t be able to bear if the person in front of him would ever go through something like that again – and this established somewhere at the basic needs level.

_I’m very sorry, hyung. I just needed some time for myself only._

Later that evening Seunghoon, dressed up like a stereotypical bandit from the movies – all his clothes were black – pulled Seungyoon out of his room; he didn’t say a word and only pointedly clinked with keys. They got into the manager’s car – only two of them – and they rode-rode-rode; and Seunghoon, laughing, was talking about the days which Seungyoon had spent “for himself only”: about their manager, who was looking desperately for Seungyoon when he disappeared in studios (Jinhwan, who saw Seungyoon in the main office, saved the day), about Mino, who decided to remember how to play the guitar and was walking predatory around Seungyoon’s guitars (of course, Seunghoon saved the instruments from him); about Haute and Thor, who fell asleep together in a very cute pose (and Seunghoon has the picture of it but he won’t show it while he’s driving).

And Seungyoon have remembered the sand in his shoes and the cold sea wind blowing in under his stretched sweater – there were almost no people on the beach and no one would probably recognize in them, dressed – absolutely – ordinary, a couple of probably popular idols. Seunghoon suddenly started talking about their joint trip to Busan five years ago; and then he danced to a Twice’s song he turned softly on his phone. Seungyoon remembered smiling at him – broadly and genuinely, and he wasn’t even coming closer to hyung – that was their moment: thin, a bit flimsy but unbelievably lasting. 

That’s why now, after they arrived on another shooting to the Thailand, for the first time in weeks an inspiration finally struck Seungyoon. Seunghoon, thoughtfully twisting his t-shirt in arms, was instigating Mino to help him to dump dozing off Jinwoo into the pool; and Seungyoon, taking the moment, was carefully examining the tattoo on the hyung’s back. The sun was hot on his head, and Seungyoon giggled silly and decided to confront himself – why does he loves Seunghoon (since he is already in such situation)? Providently moving away from the cool pool, he opened the notes on his phone and typed the first things that came to his mind.

_1\. This is Seunghoon_

_2\. He understands me without words_

_…_

“May I come in?” Seunghoon, a bit tipsy after their dinner, quietly knocked in the door of the room Seungyoon and Mino shared. “Jinwoo-hyung is still a bit mad at me because of the pool.”

“Did you talk?”

“We did talk.”

“Come in,” sighing, Seungyoon let Seunghoon into the room, looking at the mess formed in just a few hours. Before that he tried to do something more poetic from his notes (not really) secretly dedicated to Seunghoon – for some reason he couldn’t go further than four, because next points were confusingly-strange, something like “it feels cool in the heart” and “he knows about idioms but I don’t”; or something very personal – “he always hugs me right” and “he turns on my favorite music even though he doesn’t listen to the half of these singers”.

Seunghoon didn't care about the mess – he walked across the room, glanced at himself in the mirror and finally lied down on Seungyoon’s bed, sighing heavily.

“Mino stayed there,” he went on in childishly-sad voice. “Sucked into Jinwoo’s drama, I guess we won’t reach them out till morning.”

“They live together! How didn’t they get bored…”

“Ha! And they sit locked in their rooms. I’m so lucky to have you, otherwise, I think, I would pass out of loneliness,” Seunghoon rolled over the bed, sticking his nose into Seungyoon’s laptop; his wide (probably borrowed from Mino for unlimited use) t-shirt pulled up almost to the middle of his chest. “Fancy watching something, Seungyoon? Please?”

“I’m choosing!”

“Of course, no other way.”

And Seungyoon, taking advantage of such position, chose a very (as he thought) funny and notoriously bad horror movie; Seunghoon always refuses to watch movies like this, especially tipsy Seunghoon; but they still lied together on the bed, put a laptop on themselves (it was important for Seunghoon to both of them to carry equal parts of the laptop so he, giggling, spent some time equaling it).

“How am I supposed to go back to my room now?” of course, Seunghoon grumbled a bit from the very beginning of the movie but – surprisingly – didn’t even stir or tried to avoid further watching. And the movie was truly silly – the plot didn’t capture in Seungyoon’s tired mind at all, pale European faces mixed with each other; he couldn’t tell who is the main hero’s best friend and who’s a foe. It was hard to breathe that evening, thick stuffiness stuck to the skin – maybe, for several minutes Seungyoon was mesmerizing his own chest, opened under the shirt and glistering with sweat. Seunghoon was panting nearby – Seungyoon wanted to check on him: is he even alive? – but his gaze stubbornly didn’t go higher than t-shirt that stuck to him and his slowly moving ribs.

It’s again – Seungyoon almost cried inside when he felt an erection. He needed to do something quickly: the situation was absolutely terrible and really dangerous; one extra movement – and everything will be revealed. And everything will end. And will change forever. So Seungyoon pulled his laptop towards him saying something like “damn, I can’t see a thing”.

“Hey!” Seunghoon protested weakly and – to Seungyoon’s dismay – tried to bring laptop back on its previous position; his warm hand slid up the Seungyoon’s torso – Seungyoon wanted to howl. And to weep. And to wank. His thoughts were completely confused and mixed-up, clinging only to Seunghoon’s skin, his voice, hot breath; frantically Seungyoon tried to pull laptop once again, a main hero of the movie screamed shrilly; and Seunghoon was breathing close. And suddenly – a darkness absorbed his face, and with a soft pop the laptop – the center of their confrontation – was slammed shut.

_He’ll see everything now_ – the room was lit very well by the moonlight and the hotel’s lights; and Seungyoon was lying forlorn, not moving from the paralyzing horror and fatigue and only looking at the side where the hyung’s face was.

And there were also Seunghoon’s hands. Everywhere – the warm fingers snuck under the shirt, slid on the abs line, and Seungyoon was hurling; he forgot about the way he breathes – dense air was running painfully up and down his throat, the belt on the Seunghoon’s jeans was hurting his hip; but everywhere around – only _him-him-him_ , Seunghoon, smelling exactly like Seunghoon – not his cold perfume – tepid, sweaty, too; tickling the skin on Seungyoon’s collarbones with his breath. Seungyoon seized his shoulder, probably, hurting, but he had to hold on to _something_ so he wouldn’t fall, he wouldn’t sink completely.

In the morning Seungyoon blindly stared at the figure of Mino, sleeping on the next bed, and swiped his fingers over his body. Slammed laptop was still somewhere in the bed sheets.

And it was not a dream.

_What was it?_


	5. 10000

It wasn’t a dream for sure, and the memories of that evening burned the skin pleasantly; and Seungyoon was flaming every time when he was recalling hyung’s hot breathing on his neck and his soft skin under the fingers. Seunghoon, however, was behaving himself as usual – he latched on Mino, resented loudly during the filming in order to “make a show interesting to watch”, and was looking at Seungyoon: with a long glance, a little foxlike squint and a small, almost invisible, smile. So Seungyoon stared at hyung back (he didn’t have an idea about how his face looked when he was doing it, but, for some reason, he was sure that – unbelievably stupid).

_But what if…_ \- Seungyoon tried to banish a single importunate thought when getting on the plane and sitting next to Jinwoo. _Seriously, what if, maybe…_ – he shut himself up, devoting all his time to the new songs and practicing. _If Seunghoon…_ – and something strange inside of him is only getting stronger when huyng carefully ran his cold feet over Seungyoon’s legs under the table where they were having a typical day off breakfastish-lunch.

_What if Seunghoon-hyung feels something similar?_

And it explodes, spreads through his body like a salty sea wave, destroying stunted remains of common sense on its path – something clicks inside of the Seungyoon’s head when he looks at hyung again (at – just – hyung, lying on the dressing room sofa and gloomily going through something on his phone a minutes before their performance). It really hits Seungyoon, and a lot of ambiguously confusing thoughts just got into his head all at once, after a plenty of time when he was trying to resist it.

During the performance, Seugyoon, sluiced with water and hyped, stared at the Seunghoon’s lips and realized suddenly – he would definitely have kissed hyung. And not once. And not in lips only, to be honest. And he, overloaded with so much emotions, ran through the stage, screaming something extra to keep the audience existed, stopping only when he reached Seunghoon; not even thinking much Seungyoon pressed his lips against hyung’s neck – this time it was very tangible. 

Later Seungyoon was scared to look into hyung’s eyes – he was sure that he’ll see disgust in his glance.

But Seunghoon didn’t react at all. He kept talking calmly with Seungyoon, sometimes he patted his cheeks, mussed his hair or tickled. And Seungyoon could still feel the wet shirt and warm skin under it on his lips.

So Seungyoon cautiously checks the situation once more – on the university festival adrenalin strikes him in the head and he pours all the bottled water he had on Seunghoon; his t-shirt clung to the body, and Seungyoon, accompanied with crowd’s deafening screams comes closer, deeply inhales the wet scent and passes a hand over Seunghoon’s back – hyung is dancing; the Everyday’s beat nags at his ears and the dark eyes are sparkling so close, so Seungyoon steps forward again, almost forgetting to sing his part in the song. It almost blows his mind to be so close, to have Seunghoon running his fingers through his hair and to see hyung smiling: slightly unusual, strange and slyly.

At the next choreo rehearsal Seunghoon, who seemed to be very tired and who was complaining about his back literally a minute ago, gave Seungyoon a tight back hug and laid his head on his shoulder with a sigh full of suffer. Two days after, during another university festival, Seungyoon, supported by cheers from the audience, pulled Seunghoon’s shirt up (inside he was screaming louder than all the hundreds fans). That same evening Seunghoon froze for a couple of seconds, looking straight into Seungyoon’s eyes, and then slowly removed Seungyoon’s bangs from his forehead, saying nothing. A few days after, during their live stream, Seungyoon drunk three glasses of wine and tried to peck Seunghoon in the cheek, encouraged by Mino and Jinwoo’s laugher – Seunghoon didn’t dodge; and giggled too. A week after…

“Hyung…” Jinwoo broke from testing immediately and turned to Seungyoon. “Don’t you think that Seunghoon-hyung is behaving himself… a little weird lately?”

Jinwoo frowned a bit – Seungtyoon could almost see the downloading sign on his face; but he is the most considerate among all four of them – so he always notices everything (and – Seungyoon is almost sure – Jinwoo noticed his desperate mood during the “denial” stage; otherwise there’s no explanation for Jinhwan calling exactly Jinwoo when he saw Seungyoon in the studio).

“I didn’t notice anything unusual,” Jinwoo shrugged his shoulders. “Did anything happen? Did you have a fight?”

“No-no-no… everything’s more than fine.”

And Seungyoon grew restless – all the time he was oddly shaking, rushing and feverish; it felt like he got sunstroke in the middle of the summer day. The list in the phone’s notes continued chaotically – every time he saw Seunghoon something new was coming to mind, some impossibly abstract reasons: and there were too many of them, so Seungyoon tried to create poetry at least out of this. And his heart was always beating so fast – like he was expecting for _something_ to happen, like it’s Christmas tomorrow and he’s waiting for the presents; and this feeling didn’t abate. Mino called Seungyoon “fussy” because of that and was begging manager to not buy him coffee anymore; Seunghoon, sniggering, suggested to make a solo dance for Seungyoon in one of their choreos – to repress a little an unexpected flow of energy coming from him.

“Seungyoon? There’s a show with Sechskies-sunbaenim broadcasting now,” Seunghoon peered a little into the Seungyoon’s room (Seungyoon – ironically - was trying to finish the first draft of lyrics about the million reasons). “And Mino asked to tell that Jiwon-hyung told him that he will shave our heads bald if we won’t watch at least one episode of the show with them.”

“We’re in danger,” Seungyoon agreed, putting his notes aside.

For the extra comfort they even unfolded the sofa in front of TV – Seunghoon thoughtfully tested the softness of every pillow they had there while Seungyoon was trying to adjust the volume with the TV remote they hadn’t use for, at least, a couple of month. His fingers were trembling a bit; so Seungyoon did a quiet breath in and out before he put the remote away and lied down next to Seunghoon – the skin got tingly and the body shivered with the sudden cold wave; sniffing, Seungyoon stuck his palms under the warm side of laughing hyung. The advertisements alternated with the show, and suddenly the body threw into the fever – groaning, Seungyoon rolled a bit farer and put both of his legs on Seunghoon. Then the pillows heated up the ears uncomfortably – and Seungyoon changed them a couple of times and moved back to Seunghoon again, unconsciously trying to touch _more_ of him and thoughtfully crumpling hyung’s t-shirt in fingers – it seemed to be too much physical contacts. Seunghoon laughed at Jaijin-hyung’s joke on the screen – and Seungyoon rolled away once again and ended up in a very weird pose in which he also pressed his arm painfully. He tossed, turning to another side – Seunghoon’s strong palm squeezed on his neck sharply; and Seungyoon felt his lips on his own before he could even blink. It was unexpected, viscous, but Seunghoon was kissing him unhesitatingly, gently biting his upper lip and not giving even a tiny second to think and to realize what’s happening. With a soft smack the kiss was over as sharply as its’ve started.

“Calmed down?” asked Seunghoon in the most trivial tone possible, when lying back on the sofa.

Seungyoon breathes.

And then a powerful satisfying charge stroke the whole body – Seungyoon blinked instinctively, and it felt like the body lost all of its powers: every pose was comfortable now.

They’ve just kissed now.

No, even – _Seunghoon kissed him_.

Seunghoon. Kissed. Him. Just loomed over him and touched Seungyoon’s lips with his lips. Just – kissed. _He_ did it.

“Hyung…” in one move Seungyoon clumsily turned back to him again and, shutting his eyes, just nuzzled to hyung’s lips – for some reason at this exact moment the brain stopped working, refusing to differ the reality and the random pointless dreams fifteen minutes before the alarm. Seunghoon didn’t push him away. Seunghoon grasped Seungyoon’s hair with fingers and opened his mouth more, licked Seungyoon’s lips and breathed abruptly. Seungyoon nestled closer to him, tangling in the long legs and affording himself to put his hands under the hyung’s shirt, touching the stressed abs muscles and feeling the ribs: Seunghoon under his palms was absolutely real and material. And every cell of Seungyoon’s body was like under the electric shock, a small choking moan came out of the throat – Seunghoon smiled nervously in the response and pulled Seungyoon even closer to himself, painfully grabbing his hair. Seungyoon didn’t care, and kissed Seunghoon harder, touching his teeth with a tongue and honestly going crazy.

“Oh, it’s already over?” suddenly, with a regular tone (only breathing hard a bit) Seunghoon asked, transferring his gaze onto the TV screen. “That’s sad. The show was interesting though.”

_Yeah, very interesting_ , Seungyoon wanted to add. He had a hard-on again – it wasn’t surprising at all – so he sat calmly on the sofa, fixing his hair.

“I think I need to go to sleep,” he said instead.

“Yeah? Good night then!” Seunghoon, leaning over the sofa, took the remote, which stuck in between the pillows, and changed the channel twice.

“Yep. Night-night.”


	6. 100000

Seungyoon washed his face with the cold water several times, focusing tiredly on his reflection in the mirror – the gaze tightly clung to the lips. They tingled all the time – especially when Seungyoon was feeling them with fingers and inevitably recalling the evening: it felt like a tight knot in the stomach, stronger than it had ever been before – this tense was fettering him so hard that he couldn’t even move freely sometimes.

He also hadn’t talk to Seunghoon yet – they just simply didn’t have time. And this little nuance was actually overshadowing all the Seungyoon’s obtrusive dreams which suddenly started becoming way too good truth – and this state of limbo was absolutely unusual after almost five years of living and working together. He could always suppose what Seunghoon might think or feel – and normally there was no need in supposing at all: it turned into a habit for them to always share their thoughts with each other. But now, Seungyoon understood unexpectedly, he (probably) already started to irretrievably perceiving Seunghoon differently, a bit similar to the way he sensed him during the pre-debut and debut times: undiscovered. So now it was impossible to guess what did those kisses mean to Seunghoon: knowing him, one could say that it was just a sudden idea he got in his mind; but also, knowing him, one could say that these same kisses were a determined decision made a long time ago. The steam was slowly disappearing from the mirror’s surface and Seungyoon wiped his hair with a towel – he stood motionless for quite a lot while he was trying to find a logic in the hyung’s actions.

Warm palms covered his cheeks as soon as he left the bathroom – and for a second Seungyoon wanted to forget all the problems he was just thinking about and to simply relish Seunghoon: warm, close, almost-seungyoon’s-own, disheveled after sleeping; Seunghoon who laid his forehead on Seungyoon’s cold and still a bit wet shoulder. He had a wonderful back – with the muscles clearly seen, with a beautifully fine-looking tattoo; and without realizing, Seungyoon clung onto him stronger, running his fingers down, counting every vertebra. Seunghoon didn’t draw back – he was still snuffling into the Seungyoon’s shoulder, looking like he didn’t fully wake up, but still keeping his palms on the back of Seungyoon’s neck. They haven’t talk yet, still – it seemed like they didn’t even need to; and Seungyoon insanely liked to stand like this: to feel hyung, to be able to touch him when he really wanted to, to have his short hair pricking his neck. And then Seunghoon run his thumbs down Seungyoon’s cheeks – he did it so simple and easy, like _that’s_ how everything actually should be – and kissed Seungyoon again: tight, hard, and very addictive. Seungyoon didn’t try to resist him in any way – instead he opened his mouth more, letting the tongue inside and feeling how the orange juice taste (the juice Seunghoon used to drink every morning) mixes with the mint toothpaste; something small exploded on the bottom of his stomach, and Seungyoon enjoyed it too.

“Good morning,” Seunghoon greeted him hoarsely, smiling with a new, non-discovered and superb smile. And Seungyoon wanted not to only write down but to scream out loud in the hyung’s back tens of new reasons to love him to death; but he could only silently watch Seunghoon disappearing in the bathroom; and not being able to say a tiny “good morning” to him in reply.

And it seemed like the fate has decided to not give Seungyoon a chance to talk about their (already!) three kisses by distracting him either on the discussions about the group’s another festival performance or on the huge fatigue after the completed schedule or on the unexpected important shootings. In the bus Mino remembered suddenly about the one time when Seunghoon, being wasted, tried to kiss him, and Seunghoon only laughed together with Jinwoo in response, wrinkling and listing loudly all Mino’s fallbacks. Seungyoon only inhaled hardly: sometimes it really looked like the fate itself, which makes people around talk about the things he’s worried about to make him feel even worse. So Seungyoon again stared on Seunghoon in the small university’s dressing room – it was like they are connected by something secretly private now, by something even Mino and Jinwoo don’t know about; and it was interesting to observe Seunghoon through such prism. And once again Seungyoon noticed that he sees Seunghoon absolutely differently from how he did before – and what was happening between them now will change their relationship anyway, even if it will be just three kisses; because Seungyoon, probably, will never be able to forget _this_ Seunghoon – extremely close, closer than ever.

“Hyung, can I kiss you?” Seungyoon asked quietly when everyone suddenly left the room, leaving both of them alone. Seunghoon looked up, something flashed in his glance – Seungyoon had no time to catch it; and he closed the phone.

“Sure,” Seunghoon pouted his lips when Seungyoon came closer to him and stopped near his sit. His lips were trembling a bit – hyung was trying to hide his smile but was failing dramatically, but Seungyoon watched him fascinated. Anyone can enter the room in any time now – a thought that kissing now is the most lunatic thing he could ever do glimpsed in the Seungyoon’s head; but Seungyoon leaned clumsily and pressed his lips to the Seunghoon’s lips. Hyung’s smile faded away slowly, and it was bittering the kiss too hard and too painful, so Seungyoon only licked gently the lower lip, tasting it as for the last time, and walked back fast, almost running into Jinwoo entering the room. Seunghoon was sitting in his chair flushed and hair messed (his lips looked unbelievably amazing and Seungyoon was kissing them a seconds ago and it almost turned him on) – giggling, Jinwoo asked why did he looked like that and, ignoring the answer, showed him something on his phone. Seunghoon stared at the screen interested, Seungyoon would even say – too interested.

During the performance Seungyoon, confused after Seunghoon – too intimate – touched his neck, looked into the fans’ eyes. In his head, like some kind of shitty slide-show with low-quality pictures, all the articles with idols’ relationship reveals flickered – and nobody, _no one_ has ever dated an own group member – it was just impossible, inappropriate, _weird_ ; and Seungyoon imagined too real how hate comments appear on the web, how their CDs are being thrown to trash and broken, how the director calls them to his cabinet and says that the group should stop their activities again and, maybe, forever. Seunghoon was laughing and cheering the crowd together with Mino – Seungyoon couldn’t help looking at him and his (unbelievablyverybeautiful) lips again; but he also shuddered – maybe, it’s even good that they didn’t go farther than four (!) kisses. It’s weird though that he didn’t think about this earlier, when he was escaping to the bathroom to hide another boner – probably, that’s because back than he couldn’t even suppose that part of the things he was dreaming about before sleep would become truth.

And Seungyoon tried to act as usual, he really did: he was talking calmly to the members, he was making jokes and helping the manager, he was even creating some sort of new music. He just needed to rip off the Band-Aid quickly – and they still haven’t talked about the kisses, so Seungyoon, being scared (and insanely desiring) of the continuation, just tried not to stay in one room with hyung alone. In the dreams Seunghoon was kissing him tough; in the dreams Seunghoon, eyes sparkling with arousal, was taking the shirt off and pulling Seungyoon closer to his half-naked body – after waking up Seungyoon could still feel the pleasant warmth that was coming from him; and it was more torturing than he expected. And also – once, Seunghoon, smiling sheepishly, pulled Seungyoon gently into his room (Seungyoon knew too well what was coming next – _the talk_ ), so he escaped (again) saying something about the important phone call – it was rough, silly, and hurt as fuck. And Seungyoon was doing something automatically – for example, he, dejectedly inspired, even invited Mino to their place to work on their drafts; Seunghoon, rustling with a pack of salad, entered the Seungyoon’s room too, and three of them worked on some songs together – and luckily, everything seemed to be normal.

“Don’t you dare,” Seunghoon suddenly stood coldly on the way when Seungyoon got up to escort Mino form the flat. His heart sank – Seungyoon calmed down too early; and now he could only stare on the hyung, who blocked the room’s door and looked terrifyingly frown. 

“I need to close the door after him…”

“Mino is not a little kid, he can handle it,” Seunghoon was standing here, motionless like a wall, and Seungyoon didn’t even try to run away to the redemptive hallway, where the flat door was just being shut.

“Hyung…”

“You’re going to run away again, huh?” and _that’s_ it. _The_ talk – for a short moment Seungyoon was sure that it really will never happen, but – well – he became sure too early. “Seungyoon, what’s going on? “Some time for yourself only” again?”

“Seunghoon-hyung…”

“What? Did I do something wrong? Why do… why do you act like that with me again?” his voice quivered, breaking from cold to desperate; Seungyoon shrunk - every word pulled out more Seungyoon from Seungyoon. “You hurt me.”

Finish. The last stroke – the strongest one, Seungyoon choked with loathing to himself – he did it, he did it himself with his actions; he broke the promise he made to himself. _You hurt me_. If Seungyoon could, he would kick himself strongly several times.

“Hyung, I…” Seunghoon was so close – but not as the way he’d been before; now the whole abyss was between them, and they needed to lean forward a lot to reach each other – and that’s what Seunghoon did, putting his hands behind his back. His soft lips touched Seungyoon’s cheek weightlessly; for some reason it felt very familiar. It was the way Seungyoon would’ve kissed him when he was carrying him drunk from the bar; the way Seungyoon would’ve kissed him when they were watching the movie together in Thailand; the way Seungyoon would’ve kissed him when he was dancing to the Seungyoon’s favorite song on the beach.

It was like everything fell into place now.

And this time it was Seungyoon making the first step – he grabbed Seunghoon and pulled him closer; and he kissed him – more, more, more than he could survive; and their teeth bumped, and Seungyoon couldn’t get enough of the hyung’s tanned skin, chaotically touching, kissing, biting everything he could reach; and he choked again with all the feelings raging inside of him. He thought that things like this happen in movies only – but now they were also kissing in the middle of quarrel, and it was so real Seungyoon wanted to scream. Seunghoon’s lips slid slickly on the Seungyoon’s cheek, and Seungyoon moaned totally obscenely when he sensed wet kisses on his neck which mixed with Seunghoon’s warm hard breathing; Seunghoon put their heads together, catching Seungyoon’s clouded gaze; and the only thing Seungyoon was able to beg for was “Please, don’t stop…”.

“Sure,” and Seungyoon almost fainted of this hyung’s voice – and he vaguely understood how he ended up on his bed, clamped under Seunghoon’s body – his hip moved up on Seungyoon’s cock; and Seungyoon just whimpered, breathing with the hyung’s breath. He seized Seunghoon stronger, bringing him closer, like he did in the dreams, and he moved up under him again, groaning from the pleasure taking over his body and being kissed again wet, with tongue somewhere in the throat, and with the lips smooching naughty. The cold air licked his torso when Seunghoon lifted his t-shirt up; Seungyoon didn’t understand firstly that he should probably get up and help him with this – he just stared at hyung who hang over him.

“Seungyoon, if you…” Seunghoon licked his red swollen lips, still holding almost taken-off Seungyoon’s shirt in his hands. Seungyoon caught his wrists, squeezing, and exhaled everything, he’d been keeping inside for so long.

“I love you.”

Now it was nothing to hide; and Seunghoon shivered – and in this moment Seungyoon realized that the answer might really be anything. And he held on the Seunghoon’s hands like his life depended on it – maybe, these are the last seconds of everything not being ruined.

“And I love you.”

“I understand that it might… Wait, what?”


	7. 1000000

“And… for how long?”

“Don’t know. From the moment I saw you on the TV screen? And then we met in the YG training rooms?”

“You’ve said that already. When we were filming Winner TV.”

“Yes, I have. Hug me?” Seungyoon laughed hollowly and buried his nose in the Seunghoon’s chest, squeezing him even stronger. They fell asleep together – in the Seungyoon’s room, fully dressed, covered in the Seungyoon’s drafts’ papers and with the fingers locked together. Seunghoon was freezing and tossing all night and Seungyoon was waking up from it, and then he was staring silently at the sleeping frowning hyung - just to check if he is not a dreamy vision. And in the morning he woke up from almost achingly soft touches on his forehead as Seunghoon was removing his greasy bangs; and he smiled at him, so bright and happy that Seungyoon couldn’t hold back a wide smile in response. There was no need to hurry, and Seungyoon could finally enjoy running fingers along hyun’s neck and gently touching his lips – these kisses were chaste, just a peck in the mouth; all because he was stopped by Seunghoon’s “your mouth stinks”. And also it was Seunghoon stopping him from going away to the bathroom as he twined his limbs around Seungyoon tightly.

“And I loved you always,” mumbled Seungyoon into Seunghoon’s chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. “But I’ve just only realized recently.”

“You,” Seunghoon’s breath gently tickled the skin on Seungyoon’s head and Seungyoon blinked his eyes from pleasure, “you’ve stopped talking to me as usual. You know, everything was normal – and suddenly you are disappearing in studio, don’t even talk to me in the morning and not answering my texts for hours. I thought that you found everything out and now you’re disgusted.”

“Hyung…” it was so like Seunghoon – to tell everything as it is, easily, simply, he was never afraid to open his heart to the people that are close to him; but for Seungyoon it was always hard to share his feelings. But he will try to share. For Seunghoon. “I had a boner for you.”

“Yep, I’ve noticed. In Thailand.”

“No, I had it even before. And I was… scared,” Seungyoon breathed out slowly – for some reason it felt like his words sound like cliché, but Seunghoon locked their fingers together and squeezed slightly – he understood everything. “I really care about you, a lot and you’re dear to me and I… I was scared that you’ll be disgusted, too.”

“We’re such idiots,” Seunghoon laughed brightly, running his thumb across Seungyoon’s palm.

“Why did you kiss me?”

“I couldn’t stand it if I didn’t. Why did you kiss me?”

“I really wanted to. And I want it now, too.”

“Hey-hey, no kisses until we brush our teeth!” Seunghoon, still smiling, put his palm straight on Seungyoon’s face when he tried to reach his lips briefly, and moved him a bit aside – Seungyoon happily nuzzled into the pillow near Seunghoon’s neck.

“I’m scared,” continued Seungyoon with his smile slowly fading when he remembered _what_ was bittering all the happiness which appeared in his life recently. Slowly he sat on the bed. Seunghoon, still holding his fingers in his palms, sat, too, and looked at Seungyoon seriously. He was listening. He always did. “Can we really start… dating? And what if media finds out? And how to tell it Jinwoo and Mino? To the director Yang? I’m just… I’m lost. I want to be with you, I do with all my heart, but…”

“Okay. Listen,” and Seunghoon’s voice was confident and Seungyoon drew to him – again – to feel that safety and certainty. “Of course, we’ll tell Jinwoo and Mino about us, and I’m sure that hyung is already suspecting something, and Mino will only walk around surprised for a couple of days, that’s it. And then – if you’re confident in what you’re saying to me – we’ll discuss everything with the manager and the director,” Seunghoon caught his glance and patted Seungyoon’s palms. “I guess we’ll need to hide our relationship – but who from idols doesn’t hide? Nothing we can’t deal with, right?”

“Right.”

“Just… don’t ever leave me again like this,” Seungyoon shook his head desperately in response.

“Never. I love you so much. I’m sure.” Seunghoon moved closer in a flash: one move – and his lips are on Seungyoon’s lips, and his fingers are in his hair; and Seunyoon could only laugh, touching hyung’s tongue with his own. “But what about our teeth?”

“Whatever. I love you more,” Seungyoon didn’t try to fight him (a powerful, mighty feeling was spreading through his body with every second, becoming stronger every time Seungyoon thought that it can’t be bigger anymore). He only tried to pull Seunghoon closer to his body, obeying him when he pushed him back on the bed. The papers with drafts were crunching and pricking painfully in the back, but Seunghoon was strong and unbearably beautiful (and hot and so intimate and – of course – the most unbelievable). And he was kissing Seungyoon hard and perfect, just enough for him to feel the pleasant fever taking over his body (and – wow – just a couple of months ago Seungyoon wouldn’t even think that future him would enjoy Seunghoon’s kisses so improperly).

“Wow, what is this?” Seungyoon groaned when the kiss was suddenly over and Seunghoon pulled a piece of paper from under his back. Seungyoon watched it for a half of the second – it was enough to understand what was on the paper, but not enough to grab it back from other’s hands. Seunghoon was reading the written text with a smile. “ _All ten of my fingers are not enough_ … _The sun rises twice_ … “Millions?” Are you writing a new song?”

“I’m…”

“ _Knows about idioms but I don’t_ … A-a-ah, got it,” Seunghoon laughed again, rolling over to the Seungyoon’s side and giving him a kiss in the reddened cheek. “That’re great lyrics, by the way, I like it a lot. But I would add some more stuff though… You know, something like… hmm, like “I hate thriller movies, but I would watch ten of them when I’m with you”. Especially in Thailand.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took longer than I expected so I'm veryvery sorry for making you wait so long. But anyway - thank you so much for reading my work and for giving me feedback - I really(really) appreciate it and I didn't expect to get such a great response!!! I hope all of you enjoyed my my story, and thank you once more! <3


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